He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
