I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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