Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
