You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
