just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
