i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
