My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Come share oat with me in your robe
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
