Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
