I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize