My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
