So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
