I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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