She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
