DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
