everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
