you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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