Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
