who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
