Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
