I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
