Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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