Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
3pm strippers are depressing
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
