giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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