How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
