I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
