Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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