if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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