I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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