I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
