This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
this hospital has no fireball
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
