he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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