My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
