i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
