I hate your face
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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