dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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