I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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