Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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