i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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