I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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