I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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