I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
