Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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