Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
