Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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