Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
