He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
