So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
