He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i out mim tonsoeep
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
