Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You have to summon your inner elephant
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
