thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize