please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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