He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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