have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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