our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
