We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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