somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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