A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
