oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
