we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
