We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
