bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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