he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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