Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
