get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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