i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
