i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize