The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
