I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
