This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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