i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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