My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
