Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
