I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
