Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize