He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
