just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
