Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
