JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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