dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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