Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize