my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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