I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
