It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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