All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
