smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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