I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
