I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize