I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
