don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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