ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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